"Operation Teambuild"

4th April 2010:

Extracts from an “creatively reported” team building exercise – from a Corporate Newsletter

(With apologies to War Correspondents everywhere)

Breaking News ….. Celts and Saxons carry out daring raid on coast of Norway

Dateline: 21 April 2008

 

It’s over 1,000 years since the Vikings invaded the British Isles, causing widespread terror from Orkney to Land’s End.  And now, finally, the Norwegians have been given a taste – albeit a very small taste – of their own medicine.

I was lucky enough to be embedded with the troops as they executed their daring raids.   The combined regiments of the English, Irish, Scots and Welsh crew are a well-organised, rugged, hard-bitten group who coordinated their battle plans via email and using the secret code word “Teambuilding”.   Traditional hostilities between the nations were suspended for the duration of this pioneering mission.

 

Even their travel itinerary was calculated to confuse the Norwegians as many different UK airports were used to transport the men.  The teambuilders’ first landfall was the idyllic city of Bergen.   In a particularly daring move, they gathered under cover of daylight and disguised themselves as tourists.   Mingling successfully with the real visitors, these battle-hardened men sat and enjoyed the warm sunshine – unfortunately, slightly too close to the fish market ….. with the wind in the wrong direction.

 

After a minor skirmish with a Troll (something about payment for crossing a footbridge) it was time to rendezvous with others from our regiment who had made landfall later in the day from their easyjet troop carrier.

 

It was at about this time that we made a shocking discovery.  Norwegian troops were attempting to mingle with the Celts and Saxons.  Vengeance was swift and the Norwegians were quickly press-ganged into joining the teambuilding exercise.  At first, it seemed this could be a breach of the Geneva Convention.  But with the words “we won’t tell if you don’t”, a deal was struck and troop numbers, rugged good looks and the “refreshment” quota increased significantly.  To celebrate this unique collaboration, refreshments were taken together in a local Creole restaurant with a traditional Norwegian dish of BBQ spare ribs.

 

Then it was time to leave the sea behind and take to the air for the journey home.  As we mingled with yet more tourists at the airport, I checked once again that all my colleagues were accounted for.  For security reasons, I cannot tell you how many troops there were on this first wave of “teambuilding” but I can tell you that I counted them all out and I counted them all back.

 

Were the troops sorry to leave?  Undoubtedly, yes.  They came, they saw, they vodka’d.  And they’ll be back.

 

Goodnight …. and may your Norse God go with you.

 

Christine … in the Shed

 



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